Today I went to school not to teach Math but to teach about life.  It was for my students but then I took something from it too...

What kind of teacher am I.  People had wondered too and chimed in their presumptions.  Most of the time I understand where they get such ideas because they describe me as a person.  Am I different as a teacher?  I'd say sometimes I even surprise myself about me.  Yes I am nice, but not all the damn time.  Lately I'm being the bad person a lot even.  I've been and felt so many things as a teacher that up until now I can't define my teaching style.  I get inspiration heavily from my former teachers and past experiences as a student.  In fact, even if rules are different from where I studied and where I teach I tend to bring in past culture to present.  Example:
     No grey area in terms of grades here?  No problem I'll work around that, make my own grade rules, interpret policies on my own understanding, do something extra then get in trouble (not!)

Yes grades. Is what this post is all about.

Come grading time, teachers has the most power and could definitely play God.  I don't believe that the statement "you make your grades, we only encode them" is true to itself.  There is always always teacher factor thrown in there.  After all teaching I think is a profession of compassion too.  When you're students are failing even when they deserve it, you still think of them as your kids, your brother, your friend, your padawan.  And you adjust.  I do a lot of this.  Sometimes I feel I'm giving too much.  Good thing I've failed so many times in the past that I know that the bad, wth-did-i-do feeling passes and on it's heels is a good life lesson to be learned.  So I know that I don't have to pass them.  They have to fail and learn the lessons of failure which I think they need more to course through life rather than those math formulas.

I fail some.  I've failed more than what I wanted, but I have to.  But those in the 72-73-74 zone gets me. (75 is passing)  Even if I gave +10% already and really their actual grades are in the 60s and that definitely deserves failure...but still.  I don't like moments defined as "cutting it too close".  And so I create a grey area.  I give out second or final chances as if I have to.  (This right here is the part where I hear friends saying, "this is so you")  And to my amazement I get surprising reactions from this exercise.  Mostly good but some bad, so bad I am so struck with regret from bad judgement.

They take the second chance yes, but they don't appreciate it.  I push them until they succeed.  I create opportunities for them to be better.  I text them, remind them to study, what to study, how to study.  When they are stuck I make adjustments, let them open their books for 5 minutes, gives clues, discuss stuff that might enlighten them and the sorts.  Yes, I know this is too much.  I do this because I want them to earn that 3% and feel that they can do it.  They don't have to settle in to failure, the finish line to success is a possibility.  I give optimism even if I don't have much of it.  But then...

They don't usually do their part.  Yes they are appreciative but they don't do what is being asked of them.  Some see it as just some 'whatever' they just have to show up to and that they'll pass anyway.  I make it clear though that it is definitely not that.  And then they give up. They wish they had just failed right away rather than going through it.  WHAT? And once a student opted for failure to be able to proceed with registration and be in other classes with friends rather than sacrificing that for a chance to pass and be on term albeit messy schedule.  What kind of decision making is this?!  Regrets... the others I had failed deserved that second chance more than this person. Sad.

And then there were the trouble makers.  Kids confused with having fun and being responsible.  Not regretting the fun they chose but hoping they could have been responsible with their studies too.  Those who knows the repercussions of failure and try to charm their way on you.  This guys you have to push.  Push them hard, challenge them, encourage them and put them to work.  Even if you know they are trying to work their way through it dishonestly, let them do whatever it takes.  At the end of all this torture, they would at one point impress you.  And you think to yourself, I knew there was something in this kid and you give them the nod of approval.  And then they're ecstatic.  And you share that feeling.  Because you are happy for them and happy for yourself because your judgement was right.  These are awesome teachable moments.  The moments where you know they've learned more from life other than the skills.  And these moments they bring with them.  That they can do it, even when they're almost failures they can be winners.  And then they say thank you.  And you know it's not just about the passing grade you'll give but also gratitude for the chance. Great, great feeling.

Then the unappreciative ones.  They'll learn life lessons too.  I wish sometime in their future they get tortured by thought that they could have done better and realize the stupidity of their decisions. 

So what's with that very enthusiastic title?

I have a strange perception that my best years are all 'even years' (ends in even numbers, you know...well of course you do..) Anyway.  So with that, I don't expect much from 'odd years'. I don't dread them but my game plan usually is to just course through it, wish for the best and hope to make it through the worst.  So far it works that way.  I don't have 'bad years' (maybe optimism has to do with that too). I have 'ok years'.

It scares me though to expect that this would be a great year (uh-oh pessimism).  It all depends on perspective.  I have not much to boast about 2012, but as a person I felt really good about myself and my decisions. That's why I look forward to 2014 because no matter what, I think I'd be optimistic all the way.

In terms of plans, ironically I have no grand plans.  2014 would be my 'do year'.  It will be a prep year for what I wish would happen in 2015 (an odd year!) Not to be vague about that, I'm really really looking forward to finish my masters by 2015 just because 2014 aint realistic sadly.  So 2014 has to be a whatever-it-takes year. So although I'm expecting a grand thing on 2015 (pray, pray it happens), much of the journey to that would be on 2014.  Yet, who knows 2014 might have something grand-er in store for me.  Wish for the best!

I was getting ahead of myself there.  What happened on 2013 by the way?

Basically I was afloat beginning of the year.  I was full time in grad school so that took most of my time.  I worked part time, which helped with the finances.  I had practicum during summer and went to a lot of interviews, demos and exams.  Things did not go as planned on my supposed career shift for reasons still not clear to me.  And since my heart was not into it, I wasn't bothered.  I got teaching jobs come May in 2 universities very different and very far away from each other.  So the rest of the year I was adjusting to my new jobs, schedules and still... grad school.  I failed on the grad school part, what a shame.  Earned an inc on my final subject which I am completing now.  Anyways, I feel I rocked the 'professor' role though technically I am not a professor just a lecturer for now.  Still adjusting but it feels I'm getting the hang of it.  But because of the major shift in basic ed, I have to make plans for 2016 again.  Which I feel is too far away so I'm not going to worry about that just yet.  I still am on the core group of the alumni thingy and we had huge plans set for next year, so that took some of my time too.  And lastly, I fell... not in love because I know definitely now that it was not love, what it was I don't know.  Maybe just a huge inappropriate kind of crush.  It's embarrassing to think about it, but the fact that for the 4 months my emotions were in limbo I have to give credit to it.  It was hella fun, amazing and scary.  But it was nothing, it was a lesson and merely a test of character.  So I veered away from love entirely.  Until this December, when I was and still is in love with the idea of love. *insert horrified face here*  First there were new songs I really really liked, with lyrics that are cheesy as cheese.  Then there was my grey's anatomy marathons that led to insane fangirling.  I could and would probably blog about that so I'll drop the topic here and now, lest I get carried away.  So there goes my year.  Seems not boring at all, while the whole time it felt bland to me.  Well, perspective.

Beside the thesis thingy.  I literally have no set plans.  Not even for my birthday which I fuss about every year.  I always have the desire to travel but no clear concrete plans where, when and with who.  I plan to go to Japan on 2015 though.  In terms of love life, I have none.  So no plans to get married, have a baby and all those big stuff.  No change of career plan just yet.  No change of residences or big purchases yet, I still can't afford it.  So none.  Exciting isn't it?  Haha.  Because although I have no grand plans, there is this feeling that something is coming up.  Just a feeeeeelling.

Whew!  Finally done with this year end post.  Feels good to assess my life, put it in writing and review it.  Hmm quite lengthy so I'm happy.  It means I lived significantly.  Yey!  Here's to living more in 2014. Hopefully it would not take me a year to blog again.  Let the good, the bad and the crazy come.  That way I would feel the need to blabber and pretend my thoughts/problems/experiences and life in general is bigger than it actually is that I need to share it to the world (wide web).  Haha

If you read this, I send you good tidings and cheer too.  And a hope of an awesome 2014.

While this typhoon Maring wreaks havoc everywhere... I decided to revisit blogs and make a post... hahaha.

Just updating from when I last posted (Jan, 2013?!)

- Quit 1st tertiary teaching job due to horrible management. (They still owe me a month's salary! Yeah, that bad)

- Now teaching at not 1 but 2 UAAP schools 23km away from each other.  It takes me around 2 hours to commute here-and-to and that includes a speedy train ride pa.  Both schools are extremely different but there is always something likable about my classes.  Minus the commute in between I'm actually happy about this set-up.  This might change in the near future though coz I know at one point I'll need to make a choice.

- I'm exploring the techie side of teaching.. and I'm failing! Must read and research on a lot of stuff if I want to ride this tide. I have to somehow connect this techie engg background to something.

- And last but not the least... I'm miserably failing research.  Although I have the interest, I am so discouraged to think I'll make it through.  First, I have way too many "interests".  Second, I do not understand why I suddenly detest writing.  Third, I haven't recovered from this "cramming" disease ergo I cannot organize!  But finish this degree I must!  If I want to be higher education I must have higher education...and not to forget; I want a higher salary.:)