its tuesday...holding back from anticipation...

i know, today must be relevant but i dont care...its been on my mind for so long and now its weighing on my heart...aaarrrggghhhh...last night i've been thinking why its such a big deal that i'd be older and i can think of a lot of reasons...but not even one mattered if i consider how lucky i am still...

..its scary that i always say "i don't care" very often now...makes me remember how in hs there was once an incident that all of my classmates were crying and i was reprimanded by the teacher bcoz i wasn't...hehe...hard-hearted huh?

maybe i have a very low emotional quotient...before? but now its super dooper high...might it be getting lower again...hehe...maybe you could call it "abnormal emotional quotient"...probably its that...somewhat like diabetes...problem is, i dont think there's any cure to it....

i think i'm going ballistic...i can't understand my own self...