This is what I really planned to post.  Not that 'sharing piece' I just posted prior.  That was random.

Anyway.  Just documenting what happened on my birthday.

You see, I made this personal tradition of going to churches I haven't been into on my birthday.  I love churches and churches are really grand and beautiful at this time, still Christmas season you know.  This year I decided to go to Blessed John Paul Parish in Eastwood.  That quaint church hidden and dwarfed by the skyscrapers of that place.  But actually it's really tiny, much like calaruega.

Here it is.  Charming eh?  And you can now get married here! It used to be a chapel but is now a parish.



Inside it's very intimate.  Simple structure, altar but a lot of airconditioners, flat screens, and the lectors place mimics an office space: desk, laptop, pen holder?! Haha

It was Monday noon so most mass goers were the elderly, and women at that, or the donyas as I fondly think of them.  The housewives with their made up hair, signature bags, and entourage.  Haha.  Actually most of them are really really simple yet exudes that regal demeanor, breeding you know.  The mass was solemn and the parish priest seems to me like vanguard.  This is a good thing right? Like the pope, I so love the pope.

And then went to get the cake. I saw Tous le jours somewhere so lemme find it.  Alas, I got lost.  Walking in circles, exploring.  Which was actually okay since I am not rushing to go anywhere anyway.  Eventually found it and took a long time just looking.  I wanted to balance pretty and yummy on my cake choice.  I had very few options though so I went with this.

Not so pretty, not so yummy either.  Oh well.  I think this cake is laced with rhum? Taste like it.  But I could have been happier with bakery yema cake.  This cake will be in the fridge for weeks I'm guessing.  The tower of ube and leche flan on the fridge would not help its popularity as a dessert of choice either.

To my horror, the shop don't take credit card payments.  So there goes the only cash I had.  Have to find a place to eat that takes plastic payments then.  But it is my birthday so I have to eat at wherever I like.  I wanted to go buffet but I'm alone and it'd be a bummer to pay for that when I could've eaten for free if I have someone with me.  ( Woot, woot, insert lonely singlehood feels here...haha)

I wanted shake and sukiyaki so I'm having it! So my boy, teriyaki boy is my date.  And then there I felt the Happy birthday vibe.  They have the old menu! I can have my usuals! (not on new menu).  So I had shake, sukiyaki don and philly sushi.  Yey!  Happy and stuffed.

This is better than any cupcake.

And then went home and slept.  Haha.  Come evening I had to tell people to order stuff for the family celeb and yet confusion led to more confusion.  So I had cake and nothing else.  Lols.  Actually they bought dinner and the customary noodles for long life though late was present.

Great Birthday.  Not grand but just as I like it.  None to fuss about too much since its not a milestone, in terms of numbers.  I got much, much love too from family, friends, and acquaintances.  All is well. Damn, most of my well wishers wished for a future love.  Can't, won't go there.  Get out of my head people!  Hahaha. I feel loved and blessed.  That's all I need right?  Right.

...how about love? Ha!

So here I am, another cake, another candle to blow.  Another day for which I have license to be selfish and just think me, me, me.  Another time to celebrate my existence in this great big world.  Not yet at this hour though.  I was not yet out of the womb by this time.  My mom might have been in labor at this godly hour though since I am out at around past 4 in the freaking morning.  Imagine that?  Thinking about it now... I am the first child, my mom was 24, she might have been hella scared of what's happening and at this hour?  Gosh what an experience I was.  Oh I forgot to mention, I was born caesarian.  Yep as if I could not add more horror to the experience. Ha!  With all that, first and foremost I want to honor my mom for having me, carrying me for 9mos, trying to push me out of that... and then going under the knife to get me out and bear a hideous scar to be reminded everyday.  And then years after she had to raise me, and after so and so decades she still does take care of me.  I don't need to be a mom to realize and appreciate how much she gave for me.  I know that in my heart everyday.  So my birthday is a celebration of her courage.  I bet she was happy to have me so I hope I could still be a source of her happiness in some ways...

So, how do I feel?  Like right now?

Hmmm... I actually can't describe.  Is this happy, lonely, scared, excited, pessimistic, optimistic, emotional?  It's very vague and at the same time a mix of so many things. Age wise, in my whole life time I remember thinking why is it taking long for me to grow up?  Grown up for me then was 18.  I wanted to be 18 because I attach to that a certain degree of freedom and maturity.  Then I was scared of being 20 since it would mean I have no excuse to be stupid teen anymore.  And then 20 just flew by.  I wanted to follow my mom's timeline.  Get married at 24, BUT have a child at 28.  I had plans and crazy dreams that I felt I have control of.  Just like what many young people think.  Yeah well I know I'm grown up because now I think my plans then were bordering stupid and unrealistic.  I didn't even have a boyfriend then, duh!  Next decade was scary.  Although I prepared myself well.  Acceptance is the key, denial too for then after I cheated all the time when asked about my age.  I stopped aging at 28.  So this is my nth 28th birthday.  Haha. The number this year I take with a grain of salt and ounce of optimism.  I will postpone being sad and lonely for when I cross to the 2nd half of the decade.  So yeah, age is just a number again this year.  I hope I could still pass as 28 in terms of looks.  Must work on that.  And then I have to prep myself for the years coming.

I don't know what to expect at this age.  Marriage and children are not control variables.  Independence is tempting but not timely.  Actually I've been wishing for forced independence for quite sometime.  It's not coming so maybe it's not fated to happen.  What can I control then?  Stability I guess.  My finances are still a mess though I have a plan about that already.  So I wish for more opportunities so I can work on that.  I wish for health too.  Man, this year is the sickliest I've been.  I had been constantly reminded that the body is aging.  I'm starting to appreciate meds now, when before I can soldier up to any pain.  I value rest and sleep too. I do not know if I want to wish love too.  I am in love with the idea right about now but I still am not wearing those rose colored glasses.  My perception is clear and realistic.  If love is in store, I just wish it to be what I've always wish for.  No settling, high standards or nothing.  I think I deserve that if I was made to wait this long.  Haha.  But if it's not in the almighty's plan then may I find an outlet to this all mushy mushy feeling I get from watching too much tv/movies and listening to cheesy song lyrics and reading about too good to be true love stories.  As what the biebs said in the song, I just need somebody to love.  Person or not.

Last but not the least, I just want to be awesome.  To have an impact.  To make a difference.  To be a blessing.  They say only young people think they can change the world.  I still think that, so I guess I am still young.  Much as I love numbers, I stopped thinking of age as that.  But really, how do we measure a year in a life? Measure in love?

aww, thanks google for remembering.

A week from celebrating my birthday, it's only now that I get to blog about it. First I had to research trivia about my age. Well you know last year my age had a 'spiritual' meaning. It was the same age that Jesus started his mission. Most of the stories we know of his adult life happened and started when he was my age. It definitely had significant on my life. I had to go through a lot of things in 2011 (but 2012 would be a LOT more crazier). I wanted to start working on similar projects as Jesus did (evangelization, charity, etc) but nothing materialized. ( I feel guilty realizing this now...) So, fast forward to this year... By this time, Jesus is set to die on the cross. WHAT?! "I'm not going to die yet, or am I?" Haha. Such morbid thoughts. By this age Jesus was finished with his mission, I don't think I had already started with mine. Although Jesus had to die to save all mankind, an ultimate sacrifice. And indeed I am making a huge sacrifice. 'nuff said.

I googled and was reminded that Brittany Murphy tragically died at this age. Death again?! Ohmy! Haha. But with that there were lots of pictures of women at this age who remained stunning nevertheless. Therefore... I'll see this year as that. A kikay year to give myself the most attention. The past years I'd been really lazy about taking care of myself. It amazes me that people would perceive me as younger than my age (thanks to working with kids and for kids). For all that I did (or did not do) I should look 10 years older. So next year let's wish for an older but prettier me. =) Bwahaha

So what happened on my birthday?

I am extremely grateful that I still had birthday leave this year! So...I had a free day solely for myself. As you know, I plan my birthdays. Usually if it's on a weekday I plan things I get to do alone (lame, forever alone haha). Dinner is with the family at home as usual. But this year I get to celebrate in fact not by myself (yey!).

First on my task is to go to mass. In a church I haven't been to. I sort of made it a tradition. I have a fascination with beautiful churches. Add to that, I have that belief (pagan) that you can make a wish if you visit a church for the first time. Haha. But my biggest take on this 'tradition' is that I get to say my sincerest prayer because I usually linger after mass.

This year I went here.

I've always wanted to see this iconic church. I didn't pay attention to the facade at first. I went directly inside. It was smaller than what I was expecting from the inside but it was impressive. I was first impressed of the flat screen monitors. I think there was a 32" screen every 3 rows of pews. Then there was the traditional pulpit that reminds me of Noli Me Tangere. The 'retablo' was not as grandiose as other old churches. And I realized that the cathedral's patron was the Immaculate Heart of Mary. It was built in the 16th century but looks pretty well taken care off. The ceilings and arcs are pretty impressive too. There were a lot of tourists who were there, taking pictures and going through the side altars. That time there were 3 side altars, 1) for Mary, 2) the idea of Purgatory and 3) the Cathedral's history. I went through all 3 (but had to rush on the last, eeepp) I am awed by the old manila vibe. Despite the "modernization" of some parts of Intramuros, I still ♥ the rustic parts of it. And it makes me proud that there are still nice places that tourists can see. This cathedral is definitely one of them.

Next I had to meet my aunt here

unfortunatel it's not yet time for sunset so I had to make do with less beautiful view. But yet again this is one of the places I love in the metro. It's far from the hussle and bussle of the city I am used to see every day. During sunset, it's another wonderful site to behold. I used to dream of waking up with the view of this bay. But after that horrendous storm surge, no thanks. I guess I am ok with the floods rather than the tsunami like waves.

Commuting to that mall nearby, I get to see luneta from the jeep. I miss Luneta...

So, off we went to eat lunch (had steak in a food court) and meet the cousin. Then off to the water spa we went.

The discovery of this nearby spa led to crazy purchase of coupons. Me and my sister had so much fun the first time we wanted everyone to experience it. Hence the hoarding. The first time was really fun. This time around it was more fun to initiate the newbies and let them enjoy.

Went home afterwards to eat dinner. We really wanted to eat buffet but had to customary celebrate with the family. To my surprise though there was no party. Haha. I had no buffet table of my own. The mother took a long time to go home and did not bring anything. Ahhhh! It was a bummer at first but oh well I am to 'old' to whine about that. So we just had dinner. And ate my favorite cake (only this time)

tadaaan..

This is my fail cake... Looks like a dome something. Actually it is a molten ice cream cake that apparently was placed on the ref and not the freezer...FAIL! haha And notice there were no candles! =( Good thing I love this ice cream cake so much, the appearance and the lack of ceremonies didn't dampen my happy mood. (ok, just a little disappointment then) Which reminds me...THAT is what I haven't done yet...blow a candle on a birthday cake. Lols... Birthday party for myself next week then. Haha.

But seriously, I had a nice birthday. And amidst all I am truly grateful for the year that was and hopeful and optimistic for the year that would be...So to my*bleep* year old self...