0
anniversaries and the divorce bill...
Posted by adp
on
11:47 PM
Happy Anniversary to my dad and mom...!
ugh...being the first born makes me always connect their anniversary to my coming bday...It's like a 'warning' that in the next months I'd be -xx- age...In fact my mom uses my age as a reference to how many years they are married. Gaaahhh...hahaha
This is an apt time to blog about the Divorce Bill...
If there was divorce in 2001...there wouldn't be an anniversary to celebrate now...maybe...My parents had a rough time marriage wise in 2000. It was as chaotic as a family on the rocks could be. Through all the fighting that was happening, one wishes that the marriage just end right there and then for the sake of peace. That someone was ME. Ironically my parents never came up with the idea of breaking up, despite all the hate, hurt and all. It was me who wanted it to be that way. To the point that I voiced it out to my mom, who that time was the most distressed. (sidenote: this might mean I'm a bad adviser, haha) Matter of fact I just wanted to end all the negativity because after all me and my siblings are caught in the middle. This indeed shows the effect of a chaotic marriage to the children.
But this is what I did not realize then:
That my dad and mom actually loved each other despite what's happening that time.
That there was such a thing as forgiveness, however difficult that may seem.
That yes, hurt is forgotten through time.
That although a marriage is "cracked", it is still not broken and thus can be restored.
That time heals all and restores the beauty of love that is in a family.
I was witness that it was a joint effort of my mom and dad to really make things okay. I saw all stages of the recovery. I was there during moments of doubt, awkwardness and uncertainty. And I am glad I was there in time for healing.
As I write this, I thank God there was no divorce in the Philippines that time. There was no easy way out to use or run into. It takes a lot of time and effort to make a marriage work. A divorce means stopping from trying, running when it gets bad and ruining a still reparable union. It is not a lifesaver for the kids. It actually muddles their idea of family. That it is not permanent, it can be changing. Time and effort are great factors that divorce would definitely take away. Divorce seems to be a better solution but I've seen it myself that it is just a quick fix. In the long run, the might have been could be better.
If my parents separated then, I'd probably be balancing my time and attention to 2 different families. I probably spent less time with one parent. I probably wouldn't be as careful in deciding about settling down and having kids. I probably have regrets and wishes I keep in hidden in my heart. My parents might have found new loves, but if they are happier I cannot say. All I know is that my parents had been happy since then. And I am sure that they love each other a lot lot more. And this time that my dad needs to depend on someone 90% of the time, my mom is there. By his side taking care of him. Sharing all the hardships and pain together.
That is what marriage should be : in good times and in bad, till death do you part.
So better choose wisely...errr...I think I'd been choosing long enough...where art thou soulmate?! haha
ugh...being the first born makes me always connect their anniversary to my coming bday...It's like a 'warning' that in the next months I'd be -xx- age...In fact my mom uses my age as a reference to how many years they are married. Gaaahhh...hahaha
This is an apt time to blog about the Divorce Bill...
If there was divorce in 2001...there wouldn't be an anniversary to celebrate now...maybe...My parents had a rough time marriage wise in 2000. It was as chaotic as a family on the rocks could be. Through all the fighting that was happening, one wishes that the marriage just end right there and then for the sake of peace. That someone was ME. Ironically my parents never came up with the idea of breaking up, despite all the hate, hurt and all. It was me who wanted it to be that way. To the point that I voiced it out to my mom, who that time was the most distressed. (sidenote: this might mean I'm a bad adviser, haha) Matter of fact I just wanted to end all the negativity because after all me and my siblings are caught in the middle. This indeed shows the effect of a chaotic marriage to the children.
But this is what I did not realize then:
That my dad and mom actually loved each other despite what's happening that time.
That there was such a thing as forgiveness, however difficult that may seem.
That yes, hurt is forgotten through time.
That although a marriage is "cracked", it is still not broken and thus can be restored.
That time heals all and restores the beauty of love that is in a family.
I was witness that it was a joint effort of my mom and dad to really make things okay. I saw all stages of the recovery. I was there during moments of doubt, awkwardness and uncertainty. And I am glad I was there in time for healing.
As I write this, I thank God there was no divorce in the Philippines that time. There was no easy way out to use or run into. It takes a lot of time and effort to make a marriage work. A divorce means stopping from trying, running when it gets bad and ruining a still reparable union. It is not a lifesaver for the kids. It actually muddles their idea of family. That it is not permanent, it can be changing. Time and effort are great factors that divorce would definitely take away. Divorce seems to be a better solution but I've seen it myself that it is just a quick fix. In the long run, the might have been could be better.
If my parents separated then, I'd probably be balancing my time and attention to 2 different families. I probably spent less time with one parent. I probably wouldn't be as careful in deciding about settling down and having kids. I probably have regrets and wishes I keep in hidden in my heart. My parents might have found new loves, but if they are happier I cannot say. All I know is that my parents had been happy since then. And I am sure that they love each other a lot lot more. And this time that my dad needs to depend on someone 90% of the time, my mom is there. By his side taking care of him. Sharing all the hardships and pain together.
That is what marriage should be : in good times and in bad, till death do you part.
So better choose wisely...errr...I think I'd been choosing long enough...where art thou soulmate?! haha
