april used to be special...

just now, i had the feeling the not so long ago april was once a special month for me. probably because when i was still in school, it meant the start of vacation...and summer! which i like besides the extreme heat...hehe, weird...what i meant is that i love everything about summer...vacation, trips, beaches, bumming around, food, fruits, etc, etc...but i dont like the heat...but as long as there's ventilation: manual or watever...i'm fine with it. =)
then in college...it meant...less academic load...more time to hang-out! hehe...and ofcourse, corny as it may sound...it's the month of my crush's bday...hehe...which i looked forward to...because im psycho...hehe...

but now, i'm suddenly realizing that april is almost over...and i had been sad for insanely a long time now...i'm really not in the best of moods lately...although i mastered the act of hiding my woes...it's always there...even in happy moments...feels like a heavy weight in my heart...been finding solace in god...thankfully he's always around...but still the sadness is there...i really hope and pray that all these will go away...and that, if life is a wheel...i hope this now is rock bottom...and soon enough i'd be climbing up...not that i am complaining...i'm not...i'm just finding answers to too many questions...and been realizing that sometimes we really dont like the answers we get...but we must accept them...because that's really the way things are sometimes...

hate being melodramatic...sometimes i wish i was just as carefree as some people...i desperately need change right now...suddenly i feel like i'm done with stagnation...like what i read in a dismissal note..."...i guess a new environment would be better for you right now..."
...i think so too...