isentropic, adiabatic enthropy

I spent 6++ years in the college...for that length of time i breathe and i lived as an engineer wanabe.

The first few days in college, we were constantly told of how lucky we are...*insert ego boosting percentage here* ...of those who were called were only chosen...and that would be us...

Ergo, even in the first few days of college you already know...that much would be given to you thus much is expected of you.

I was proud, I was lucky...and then what?

I had a sad realization recently that part of the aging process would be change of perspective, growth and...lost of memory...haha...Some of our synapses (*our brain connectors) dies at certain points. And as we age we are left with fewer and fewer synapses, which would explain the memory loss...The frequently used connectors would be those that would survive. Therefore the lesson is to constantly think about those that you love so you would never forget them.

*pausing for eternal sunshine movie recall...*

UP and engineering for that matter has thought me a helluva lot of things...errrr...more or less 178 units worth. But beyond the academics I learned about perseverance, competitiveness, striving for excellence and slaving to survive school and kicking ass further on. They gave me the honor to be proud...of a lot of things...but I had to deserve that pride. The academe has a silent way of telling you to strive for the best...for yourself, for the school and for the country.

Recently (*brought about the recent PerfEv) I reassesed my past present and future. I confused myself again with questions of what then, what now and what next?....

One time I revisited my "precious school junk"...hehe...and I almost tearfully immersed myself in unexplained emotions *ala sugarfree's kwarto/breakup mode mtv*...hehe..emo-ed...

Sad thought #1: I forgot what the hell is reversible adiabatic process
#2: How do you do an energy balance?
#3: Can I still draw the structure of sugar?
#4: I forgot about distillation
#5: My chemistry brain cells are mostly dead...and the ChE ones are nearly nil...

...and i could go on and on about what i forgot and be depressed even more...

In college and most of the time after that...we engineers used to talk on geek mode...unintentionally...casually referring to heat as enthalpy and using the word agitate to mean stir...As my sister would always, always comment : I speak in tongues at times and I pretend everybody could get me. But what we can't explain is that the terms belong now to our commonly spoken words...we are not posing to be geniuses or geeks or nerds but thats just the way our brains were train to think...

My sister and so do others don't comment on my geeky language now...I speak nomal...My geeky terms were palced in archives...

And thats sad.

I like(d) ChE and nerdy stuff. Chem is really a favorite, next to Math...and ok I will admit, there were times I envisioned myself in a prduction assembly line or slaving for so and so industry. I knew I could be happy in it. I loved field trips and plant visits. But life I guess had other plans. This path broke up with me first, thus I had to find other ways.

Even with a very mature realization as that, I can't help it if I get sad at times. Until I find that mysterious connection of my two lives, I would forever be haunted with the "what" questions. Hopefully someday I could say that every part of my life was leading to one common thing (read: the alchemist) Something all worth it...

Don't get me wrong...I am happy where I am now...but I know in my heart this is yet to be my now, my shining moment or my purpose driven life. I'm still searching...I just promised myself to enjoy the journey, until I know what I am.