0
emoness
why am i awake at 3:39AM?
Well, I had a full blown fit around midnight brought about by stupidity. When things don't go my way, I turn into an ugly monster. There fyi lies my weakness. That's one trait I am aware I should work on, but obviously I haven't manage it. Good thing awareness/acceptance is the first/second step to change (N.Branden). I am on the right track then.
Moving on, this whole day I've been feeling so emo. I had been carrying this heavy heart not knowing how to lighten it. I am aware that I'm such a toughie.. side story: In highschool, there was an instance when the whole class was in tears over something I can't even remember now. The whole class except me! I was laughing at my seat mates due to the silliness of it all when alas! I got scolded by the teacher for making fun of the issue. Yep, that's me. The seemingly cold hearted batch of the group.
I don't know if it's a Capricornian thing, but I tend to keep my feelings in check. I detach from the emotional quite successfully. Oh wow, I just realize I'm such a male. Haha. It must have been the testosterone then. *pauses to check if I'm starting to grow a mustache*
Yes I am quite aware that I am like this. I'm not the cray cray type. I have ways on how to put myself in check. I forecast, infer and psych myself of the things that are about to (or not) happen. Detach is the operative word. If you don't allow yourself to relate then it can't affect you. I can't possible say that it's voluntary. I've known myself to be like this since I can't remember when. In fact, in the latter years I lose some ability to detach. I get teary eyed now while watching touchy, emotional videos. And since I am not used to being craycray, I hate it. Haha.
Today though was different. At one point I was trying to induce myself to cry just to feel better. It's this "heavy heart" feeling that messes me up today. I've been thinking a lot, and those worries that I keep tucked in the corner of my mind suddenly steps forward all at once. Haaay, how to get rid of this.
I have a plan for tomorrow. I certainly hope I lose this emo feeling. For god's sake it's the holiday season!
Well, I had a full blown fit around midnight brought about by stupidity. When things don't go my way, I turn into an ugly monster. There fyi lies my weakness. That's one trait I am aware I should work on, but obviously I haven't manage it. Good thing awareness/acceptance is the first/second step to change (N.Branden). I am on the right track then.
Moving on, this whole day I've been feeling so emo. I had been carrying this heavy heart not knowing how to lighten it. I am aware that I'm such a toughie.. side story: In highschool, there was an instance when the whole class was in tears over something I can't even remember now. The whole class except me! I was laughing at my seat mates due to the silliness of it all when alas! I got scolded by the teacher for making fun of the issue. Yep, that's me. The seemingly cold hearted batch of the group.
I don't know if it's a Capricornian thing, but I tend to keep my feelings in check. I detach from the emotional quite successfully. Oh wow, I just realize I'm such a male. Haha. It must have been the testosterone then. *pauses to check if I'm starting to grow a mustache*
Yes I am quite aware that I am like this. I'm not the cray cray type. I have ways on how to put myself in check. I forecast, infer and psych myself of the things that are about to (or not) happen. Detach is the operative word. If you don't allow yourself to relate then it can't affect you. I can't possible say that it's voluntary. I've known myself to be like this since I can't remember when. In fact, in the latter years I lose some ability to detach. I get teary eyed now while watching touchy, emotional videos. And since I am not used to being craycray, I hate it. Haha.
Today though was different. At one point I was trying to induce myself to cry just to feel better. It's this "heavy heart" feeling that messes me up today. I've been thinking a lot, and those worries that I keep tucked in the corner of my mind suddenly steps forward all at once. Haaay, how to get rid of this.
I have a plan for tomorrow. I certainly hope I lose this emo feeling. For god's sake it's the holiday season!
