Humility, dependence, trust

To just be.These 3 oftentimes are the virtues we tend to lose as we grow up.  Years and years of education and strings of accomplishment diminishes our sense of humility.  Our abilities and opportunities makes us independent and our failures and heartaches prevents us to trust.  Yet these it seems are the fountain of youth.  You want to be forever young, then you gotta have these.  

Indeed I am old.  I look at this words on the negative.  I see them as weaknesses.  I keep myself in check if I'm exemplifying a substantial amount of this traits.  I feel that humility stagnates.  If you don't raise yourself up, you are short changing yourself.  We live in a century wherein you have to always put your best self forward to succeed.  You have to hard sell yourself, over emphasize your achievements, your qualities.  Feel important to be important.  No wonder social media is raising kids right now who are all about themselves.  It's the ME generation and personally I don't fancy this generation.  I don't understand them and I see them as selfish and whiny.  I have to try to adjust to them though because in fact they are who I work for.  

Dependence.  This I am.  At this age I still live with the 'rents.  Maybe not entirely because I am enjoying the free ride, but I will not deny that it's extremely comfy to be just a parasite.  Haha.  It took a long time before I voluntarily shouldered some of the household expenses, I was selfish for some time.  But I believe culture has a lot to do with this.  Sometime ago when my siblings and I were young, I overheard my mom saying she wish we get to stay with them forever.  I think she was worrying about the probable occurrence of an empty nest and the sadness it would bring.  The universe heard her, and yes here we are all three of us (+1) still in the nest.  About 10 years ago, I could have probably left home and had been independence.  I felt I had my wings back then.  But in the Filipino culture, you only leave home when you have your own home i.e. Husband and kids.  Loosing up some family ties meant turning your back on blood.  It is just seen that way.  Hence, independence is not taken as a good thing.  I wished though I had taken that huge step.  I feel I could've have learn a lot from such experience.  In 5 years though I probably had come back home.  Because home needed me more.  Today I can't leave.  Circumstances had changed big time.  Even if a husband comes along it probably the hardest thing to do.  So husbanding had to wait. WHAT am I saying?!

Trust.  This I can do.  I have no control issues.  In fact I'm so trusting to a fault.  Before exams I tell my students I trust them even if I know I shouldn't.  I always say I'll trust my instinct, the next second I doubt my choices.  I always always pray I trust you lord, but I question my existence.  I want that freedom though... To just be.  Throw caution to the wind and hakuna matata.  

The irony is the fact that I know I'm struggling with these three virtues means that I have a lot of growing up to do.  So maybe not growing up is the right term.  I have to not grow up.  God promised that way life will be easier and heaven would be within reach. Lemme try.